It’s been a week…I got pimple on my chin, which we all know is social suicide, seeing as though neither a hat nor scarf can cover the damning evidence. I also got my blood drawn and vomited on my doctor. Veins are literally the most disgusting thing on the planet ohmygod I just gagged. My debit card got denied….At Kohls…buying tic-tacs. I reached an all time low when, after holding up the line and counting my coins, I realized I was six cents short and left discouraged that my breath smelled like coffee for the rest of the day only until I remembered that I have no sexual or really social interactions during the course of my average daily life and so literally nobody would notice if I was minty fresh or just a vanilla latte with almond milk from 3 hours ago that I paid for with my tip money, which was a whopping $6 from working a 9 hour shift.

Also the national genital herpe that is Donald Trump…Seriously I haven’t even been sexually active lately…How did this happen? Can you get that from toilet seats? Is the GOP a STI infested public restroom that shat out our president-elect? Idk. But I won’t talk about that. For now, here’s some tips I’ve pulled together, from the various incredible women I’ve come across in the past two weeks, on how to just be a woman right now whilst remaining sane and pussyfull (new word who dis?!).

  1. Let’s start calling a spade of spade. Donald Trump entering office is not another addition to “The Boy’s Club.” It’s a continuation and enhancement of RAPE CULTURE. It doesn’t matter if you believe he raped a 13 year old girl, or just bragged about grabbing a woman’s genitals, or said something horrifying without acting upon it…THESE. ARE. ALL. ASSAULT. If someone makes you feel unsafe, even just through their hateful rhetoric, that is abuse. If someone makes you feel unsafe in your own country, just by the nature of your gender, than that person should not be in charge of the keepsake of your well-being. Especially if he’s a misogynistic Dorito that should have been left behind with our all our personal belongings at the bar that time we blacked out and made out with our gay friend.  I can’t say that I’d feel safe being in a room with my president-elect, and that’s a fucking problem.
  2. Keep your eye on the enemy. The enemy is not your fellow American. He/She/They are hurting. We are too. The enemy is the billionaire class, and the patriarchal systems that stop us from entering into positions of power and making lawful decisions about issues regarding OUR BODIES. Let’s get one thing straight: Donald Trump does not care about the average American, man or women. He fooled you all. And once you come to that unfortunate conclusion, we can continue, as allies, and work against our common enemy.
  3. You’re never doing enough. Send your racist aunt articles on Mike Pence supporting and funding electo-shock “therapy” to LGBTQ people…And causing an HIV outbreak in Indiana by shutting down a county’s sole Planned Parenthood…And then resorting to providing clean needles to mitigate the spread (Yes, Mikey would rather dope you up then acknowledge a woman’s right to dignity [side side note: totally support providing clean needles! Different issue.]) Call your state and city legislators EVERY DAY. Send them physical letters. Make your name a headache in their office. This will determine how hard they push back against policies we will not accept. Donald Trump is not our president until January 20th, 2017. We have until then to be louder than we ever thought we could shout. This will influence how representative our spokespeople are with our demands. They have to listen. This is democracy.
  4. Do your research on Trump’s cabinet. Left or right, go on and see the content they are putting out (Stephen Bannon, the executive chairman of Breitbart News Network is Trump’s Chief Advisor. This is fucking scary.). Here are just some of Breitbart’s headlines that Bannon undoubtedly signed off on (I wish I was being satirical):
    1. “Would you Rather Your Child Have Feminism or Cancer”
    2. “Hoist it High and Proud: The Confederate Flag Proclaims a Glorious Heritage”
    3. “Birth Control Makes Women Unattractive and Crazy”
    4. “The Solution to Online Harassment is Simple: Women Should Log Off”
    5. “Political Correctness Protects Muslim Rape Culture” (Ummm….And grabbing women by the pussy doesn’t?)
  5. WOMEN ARE YOUR ALLIES. Women of every single race, sexual identity, age, and religion. Even women who voted for Trump. Even women who say they aren’t feminists. They are. Show them why. Show them #WhatEqualityLooksLike. These women are still under the trap of a system that seeks to keep them right where they are: Oppressed and Misinformed. We need to liberate these women and offer them our sisterhood. We must find strength in numbers.
  6. Keep making art. Please. Write blog posts that nobody reads (#hey) and let your righteous freak flag fly. Make a short film on your iPhone about the amazing movements going on around your campus. Paint vaginas. Doodle those weird medieval shaped S figures we learned how to do in middle school. Art imitates life, and life follows art. Our creations become our reality one way or another.
  7. White folks. Reach out to your friends of color. How can you better be an ally? How can you empower without overshadowing? How can you use your privilege to lift them up? If you don’t have friends who aren’t white, 1)That’s a problem, but 2)Go to a community meet up. Meet new people! We all know you’re interchangeably watching Veep and masturbating and being sad. Make a friend to go to brunch and change the world with.
  8. Finally, do all of the above together. I feel safer after attending a community organizing event tonight, because I was surrounded by women who cared about whether or not I got home without being catcalled. I feel better knowing that I have a group text going with all my best friends, from high school and college, where we can speak openly about our fears, or just send each other memes of stock photo people (is that the politically correct term?) eating salads. We have to keep and strengthen our relationships. If not now, then when? If we don’t rise together, we will inevitably fall alone.

If you’re reading this, I love you. I really give a shit. I want to hear your stories, especially if your reality is different than mine. Let’s talk. Let’s act. Let’s change.