1. The guy who walks in with a guitar, fully encased, in his sunburnt arms, which are poking out of his Quicksilver tanktop. He has no shoes, the occasional flip flop perhaps, sometimes just one. One brave German girl asks what everyone’s thinking: “OMG can you play?” To which he chuckles, “Of course.” The first 3 chords of Banana Pancakes fill the halls of the dormitories. Everyone groans. “Wait, I also know Redemption Song!”

2. The posh British girl who thinks she’s traveling on a budget. Let’s call her “Pippa.” She’s very well traveled, as she went to Thailand for two weeks one time and even got a tattoo that reads “sucker” in Hindi on her ankle, which she thinks says “wanderlust.” Her hobbies include traveling, and she paid $30 for an anklet that everyone else haggled down to two cents, because “its giving back to the people.”

3. The volunteer hostel bartender who you have sex with. He’s got a beard, an abrasive chest tattoo, and doesn’t like areas that are too touristy because then you can’t “immerse yourself with the local culture.” He’s working at the biggest most expensive party hostel in the continent and is probably from Sydney.

4. The American girl who just wants to get fucked up with everyone. She fits all the disappointing American stereotypes but the European boys can’t help crushing on her, making all the European, especially Dutch girls, gang up on her and ignore her at the Sunday pool party. She doesn’t notice though, as she’s skinny dipping with the hostel dog.

5. The 35 year old lifetime traveler who is ambiguously from somewhere in the U.K, which you’re still unsure of whether is a country or England, and has been staying at this hostel for 8 and a half months. One time he worked at a Treehouse hostel in Nicaragua and tells everyone about it. He peaked at 17. “But how do you support yourself,” you inevitably ask, to which he smiles, “the money just follows when you’re chasing happiness maaaan….plus my parents own a oil rig in the Pacific.” He’d like to open a hostel of his own when he grows up.

*Everyone on this list is white

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